so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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