You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Randomize
