Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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