She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
