I just threw up on my dentist
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
