i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
You're a waste of cheezeits
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
