and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
