i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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