I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
