I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
