Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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