Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
As shirtless as possible
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
