you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Randomize
