Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
