I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
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