i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
