I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
It's shark week go big or go home
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
