She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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