god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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