I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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