you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Randomize
