bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
