My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
