Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
