Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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