Who wears a wallet chain?!
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
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