Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
