I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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