So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
