Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
