Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
