Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
meet me or not, i'm out of control
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
