she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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