no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
