Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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