I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
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