Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
My breasts were aching with rage.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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