You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
