my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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