the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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