I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
