Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
