please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
