Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
she peed on how many people?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
