Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Randomize
