i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
