this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
