my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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