What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
