Betty ford says i'm here all night
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
