I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
