At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
